February 14, 2008

Responses III: 5 to 7

Thanks to the anonymous comments yesterday. Normally I would answer them in the Comment section but since I am currently making a list of objections and responses in the main Blog, I am answering them here. I can only deal with a couple of arguments a day, so please be patient.

(5) "So I guess you think that I would have been better off with my violently abusive bio father rather than in a home that loved me?"

No. A child is definitely better off in a home where the child is loved than in a home with an abusive father - biological or non-biological. -- Incidentally, various studies have shown that children are much more likely to be abused by a non-biological father-figure than by a biological father. Yes, biological fathers do sometimes abuse their children, but it is also a fact that men are naturally much LESS inclined to abuse their OWN biological children.

This question is certainly important for adoption or foster parenting. Children are better off with adoptive or foster parents than with abusive biological parents.

However, when it comes to gamete donation, I fail to see the relevance of this question. When it comes to gamete donation, there is no question of the donor being abusive. In fact, the donors advertised by most sperm banks are exactly the type of men who are very UNlikely to abuse their children. They are often responsible, mature, professional, well-rounded, high achievers, educationally, athletically, socially and financially successful...you name it. Many of them have families of their own and their children are just fine.

So in gamete donation, there is no concern of "rescuing" the child from a bad, abusive father. It would be nice if gamete donation were motivated by something so altruistic, but in reality the child would probably have been quite happy with its gamete donor parent. In fact, it might be have been better off than with its "adoptive" replacement parent, who can often be rather less of a "star".

(6) "As far as children's rights go there are SO more pressing issues to deal with like the many many abused and neglected kids in bio families. I don't get why repro tech is such a focus for you if what you care most about are children's rights. I don't really "get" why you are so focused on reprotech as being such an issue in the midst of today's societal breakdown...You have every right to your opinions, I just fail to see the point of your blog if children's rights are you main cause. ....Isn't divorce a bigger problem than sperm donation??"

Yes, on the overall scale of things, more children are affected by divorce than sperm donation, and there is definitely a societal breakdown in many important areas that affect children and the family. But people with limited time have to "choose their battles." This is my battle.

(7) "Repro tech is not the problem, lack of basic human kindness, responsibilty, etc., is the much bigger problem."

The use of reproductive technologies today actually demonstrates and is fuelled by the "much bigger problem" that you mention: the lack of basic human kindness and responsibility. I would also add that the use of reproductive technologies today also shows a deep selfishness, self-centeredness and lack of empathy on the part of many parents, attitudes that continue to be strongly fostered by our materialistic and individualist culture.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for choosing the fight to defend our rights, Veronica.

Anonymous said...

I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion and I do not judge you for yours.
I have been on both sides of this fence as I am adopted and did seek out my biological parents. I have found in most cases there is an internal drive to seek where you come from, however, it is not an absolute. My adopted brother has no desire to find his biological parents....
The other side of the fence is a person now unable to conceive. Wanting a family is not a crime, and although I don't believe it your ultimate intent, some of your posts come across as a war against those who are trying to find their way to a family. Almost as though your stance is if you are unable to conceive naturally you should not have children at all....

My biggest issue with your blog would be your 'calling out' other people who do not share in your beliefs with a blogroll on your side bar.
I am very open to hearing other people's opinions, even those I may not fully agree with. However, I find it unnecessary to pass judgement on others by way of naming them as offenders as though you were the ultimate Judge.
Having an opinion is one thing. Pushing it on to others is simply another.