Responses IV: 8-9

(8) "No one is trying to say that biological parents don't MATTER, just that biology is not ALL that matters and sometimes biological parents can not or choose not to parent their children."

True, sometimes biological parents simply CANNOT parent their children, and that's certainly always been recognized as a handicap for the children. Foster parenting and adoption has never been seen as a "first best" option for a child that is born into this world. If the biological parents are not abusive and if they have ability and means to raise their own children, then that has always been seen as the preferred alternative.

As far as biological parents CHOOSING not to parent their own children, that is a much newer phenomenon - and it is by no means decidedly ethical. Our society and law have traditionally believed that parents couldn't just disregard their parenting responsibilities towards their biological children, whether or not their children were created intentionally. Many people would prefer to just ignore the fact that they've created children, and to have no responsibilities towards these needy little creatures. And yet, our laws go after "deadbeat dads", and men can end up paying child support even when the pregnancy resulted from a one-night stand. Parents also end up paying child support after a divorce, even though many parents would find it more convenient to simply "choose not to" parent their children anymore once the marriage ends.

The law has always recognized that parental responsibility is not dependent on the parents and their wishes. It's always been about the children and their RIGHT to be parented and supported by those who created them.

However, this age-old law of parental responsibility is now colliding with the new development of gamete "donation", where men and women agree to give up their own biological children before these are ever created. These people are not giving up their own children because they have to, or because they are forced to, or because they are abusive parents. They are doing it simply because they claim this is their autonomous reproductive right. Apparently, "reproductive rights" aren't just about using contraception and having "wanted" children -- they also include the right to create an "unwanted" child in order to give (sell) it away to strangers! The biological parents even claim that just because they do not recognize these "unwanted" biological offspring as their own children, then they are not in fact their children! Now that's a boggling example of "mind over matter" - kind of like the ostrich sticking his head into the sand and thinking the world has disappeared.

Of course, the "unwanted" child is given absolutely no say as its real, able and perfectly good parents exercise their "reproductive choice" to give it away to one or two complete biological strangers. It is assumed, expected and even demanded that the child will accept this strange situation as equally good to being raised by its own biological parents. In fact, the child should rejoice at being with these strangers because they "want" the child - whereas its real, biological parent(s) never wanted the child at all.

Both in terms of ethics and in terms of rights, there is a universe of difference between parents who CANNOT and parents who CHOOSE NOT to parent their own children. While it has always been recognized that parents sometimes cannot do what they ought, they have never had a right to simply "choose not to" when they could. That's because the children have rights to their own parents, too.

(9) "You will never be affected by my choices so your "opinion" is not relevant in this matter."

How can you be sure I will never be affected by your choices? In a society where gamete donation is becoming increasingly common, my own life could very well be affected by your actions. Imagine that one day, my child (should we have any) marries a gamete-donation child. My grandchildren won't ever know half of their family tree! Yes, my family could be directly affected by your choices.