Moms by choice, but not single by choice

January 31, 2007

Moms by choice, but not single by choice

There is a new fashion today in the repro tech world: single women who have decided to go ahead and have children despite their inability to find a suitable male mate, are now flocking to donor sperm and calling themselves "single moms by choice." I guess this is supposed to make them seem empowered and in control, as if their situation is really a "lifestyle choice". I guess it's even supposed to make them sound cool - they got what they wanted and they didn't need - or seemingly even want - a man.

The truth is though, that they aren't really single moms by choice. They did choose to be moms, but they aren't single by choice. They are, sadly, single because they have not found a life partner, despite longing for this.

A new article just came out about them here: http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/atlanta/stories/2007/01/17/0118bctxsperm.html

In the article, one of these moms says: "I searched for Mr. Right, but could never find him, and I really wanted a child," she said. "I have never been the one to do things conventionally. So, while it was frightening, it was a no-brainer. I was going to have a child, and this seemed the best way."

Another one of the women says that her path was similar: "For most women, having a child on their own is plan B," "In high school I dreamed of getting married and having kids," she said. "And I have not abandoned that idea. I have the rest of my life to find a husband, but I do not have the rest of my life to have a baby."

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Stop the Baby Trade

Yes, it is a baby trade, like the slave trade of old. Babies have become consumer products, accessories to our lifestyles. They are like pets, those cute and cuddly babies. And like pets, they can be made to your liking. Just buy the sperm at your nearest sperm bank, purchase an egg from your local egg dealer, and rent a surrogate womb. And in 9 months, bring home a baby without a pregnancy, without even a dent in your schedule!

There is supply and there is demand. Babies are disposable: their value and worth depend on being "wanted". As embryos they can receive a life or death sentence based on a screening of their genetic traits. They can be frozen indefinitely, donated for research or simply killed. In the womb they can be "selectively reduced". They belong to whomever they were "intended" for.

Apparently, adults have a "right" to a baby. And before they are born, babies have no rights at all. They can be bought and sold, or traded from person to person.

Even after they are born, some of their natural rights are not recognized or respected. They had better not complain about not having their "natural" or biological parents. If they mind, they are ungrateful. After all, we cuddle them and spoil them and shower them with love - just like our pets.

Well, it's time to stop the baby trade. Infertility is tragic. So is being panhandled by your own genetic parents and being raised by biological strangers. So is being created in a laboratory only to be frozen as "surplus" or screened out and left to die because you are "unwanted".

Children have not consented to these things. Their own parents, their supposed protectors, have allowed these things to happen to them. Adults have selfishly allowed their reproductive urges to trample on the fundamental rights and needs of their own children. But now, as many of these children come of age and we hear their cries of pain, it is time to admit that what reproductive technologies have given to parents, they have also taken away from children.

Sometimes doing the right thing requires a lot of sacrifice. This is one of those times. We need to set aside our adult desires in order to protect children's rights. Let's see babies as human beings who are our equals. Let’s admit that we have no right to harm others to get what we want. Let’s stand up for those who don’t have a signature line on the consent forms, yet who will be forever affected by the decisions taken.

We will find that by protecting the weakest, we are also protecting ourselves. The rights of children are tied to the rights of adults. Children have a right to their own parents; and those parents also have a natural right to know and to educate their own biological children. These natural rights cannot be eliminated, only violated.

Let’s stand up for the natural human rights of children: their right to life from the moment of conception, their right to be carried in the womb of their own biological mother, and their right to know and be raised by their own biological parents.